Let me rewind a bit so you can catch up. At the end of January, I posted The Physical Side to My Love Affair. It was a post that I wrote in November of last year and had been in the queue to post for a while. Honestly, I had lost track of when it would go out. My only clue was the flood of emails and phone calls that I got from YOU … thanking me for my courage, telling me that you were going to pass it on, sharing your own personal challenges from assaults, rapes or abuse. It took me days to get a hold of myself … you knocked me off my feet. I never knew that I could have such an impact on others just through my writing.

Meanwhile, I have a women’s circle who meets on the phone every Tuesday and 3 of the women had mentioned a few times, “writing my chapter” or “I’m still trying to figure out what to write for my chapter.” As I was getting back on my feet, I started feeling a prompt … more like an energetic nudge … to ask more about what they were doing. And I discovered that they were part of a group of 20+ women who had done the Energy Coaching Training program with me last year, and they had banded together to write their personal stories. Chapters were due at the end of the month. I approached the leader, asking if it was too late to join … part of me hoping that it was. It wasn’t. I was welcomed in, and much to my surprise, I found myself standing on a cliff. I had never once revisited a story that I had already written, and yet I knew that there was no such thing as coincidence. That blog post was meant to be converted into this 2000 word chapter. Usually I feel pulled to write something, and this time I was being nudged by that blog post. Nudged to do what?! I had no clue how to proceed, simply because what needed to be said was already written. Wasn’t that the whole point of the blog post?!

I found that I had to trust … trust the story that wanted to emerge, and trust the gentle, loving, incredibly skillful guidance by our leader, Andrea Hylen. Andrea’s compelling vision is to help women heal through writing their stories. She even has a nonprofit, called Heal My Voice, with the intention to take this writing program that she has created to women in prisons, rehabilitation centers and abuse recovery centers. Her genius is seeing the story that needs to be told, even if the writer thinks differently. The photo to the right is the book cover for the most recent book, Fearless Voices, launched this month. Andrea serves as doula (setting a sacred safe environment, nurturing the process, dealing with meltdowns and nerves, creating community where each budding story can be encouraged and celebrated), midwife (gently editing, creating and publishing the book) and proud grandmother (stepping back with great pride and love as the completed project emerges). My experience of Andrea is that the story serves as a vehicle of healing for both the writer and the reader. I couldn’t have asked for better support with which to approach this re-write. Andrea could see in that blog post where I began to speak from my Head, distancing myself from my Body, and encouraged me to re-write the piece staying connected with my Body.

Thus I encountered another first … it took me two months to birth my chapter. Usually, multiple blog posts can flow from me within an afternoon. Why so long? I could see the beginning and the middle – these flowed from me within a week. But I couldn’t see how to end it. Conveniently, our India trip came up in mid-March so that gave me an excuse to step away for a while. But the answer still didn’t come. It was during my second private session with Andrea that she pointed out the obvious, “Meenal, you have to admit that the healing hasn’t ended. That this is a journey that is not yet complete. Not many of us have the courage to say that. You do.” Could I dare do that? The quintessential Overworked Overwhelmed Overachiever? Miss Perfectionist? Do I need to underline that I am an Overachiever? How could this not be wrapped up with a nice neat bow?

So I took the leap, and brought the story forward to today, revealing both the joys and the warts and the reality that there is more to follow. What emerged from me takes my breath away in wonder. I can see myself through the facts of my history and I can feel from the inside-out, through my choice of words, the dramatic change I’ve lived in just the past year. And the feedback from those friends who have read it says that I take them on that journey with me.

Why am I sharing this? Because so many of you have stories of healing that deserve to be shared. You’ve been tabling it because you haven’t had the time. Or you’ve been telling yourself, “I can’t write.” Or you’re scared stiff at the thought of revealing yourself in that way. All the more reason to join Andrea’s next book project!

Andrea is launching another women’s writing circle in June to begin the 9 month process of creating herInfo & Registration fourth book, tentatively titled “Conscious Voices”. The support that she provides in this writing circle takes into account all of those excuses and more. She provides the support to make sure the story that is meant to be told is birthed … messy, squalling and yet infinitely beautiful. And you get to be cheered on by all of us who have gone through that birthing process before you. I hope you join me – let me know if you do!

Sincerely,

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As always I’m committed to sharing with you opportunities to learn techniques that you can do yourself. Long ago, a friend introduced me to Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), more commonly known as Tapping. At that time, I had just completed my yoga therapy training, so my attention was elsewhere.

Now I am eagerly seeking new energy based techniques, so I was excited to learn about the Tapping World Summit led by Nick Ortner. Tapping makes the most of Body-Focused Meditation, because you are activating meridian points, moving energy while re-wiring your neural pathways. The repetitive Tapping sequence is the equivalent of a moving meditation. And this particular Summit has added benefits, that you wouldn’t get in a weekend workshop:

• You get to learn from world-class experts … for FREE.
• You get to expand your perspective on what life circumstances have their roots in energy because every day there is a different focus … ranging from alleviating pain/health issues to wanting more prosperity.
• Energy blocks move faster when a group of people are focused on the same thing, so you will get energetic support from a world-wide audience. I just checked and the most recent count is 60,000 registered!
• You get to learn from the comfort of your own home! No registration costs, no travel costs … absolutely FREE!

Where do you go from here? Click through this link or click on the banner at the right and sign up to receive access to a set of preview videos that lead up to the Tapping World Summit. WHY?

• Each video will give you an in-depth perspective on the Tapping. The first is from Nick Ortner, the leader of the Tapping World Summit, on Tapping and your Brain. The second is from New Your Times best-selling author Kris Carr on how Tapping helped her recover from cancer. And there are more that are yet to be released!
• If the videos intrigue you, then register via the website so that you can try Tapping out for yourself. You can attend as few or as many events as you want. There is no risk to you as the Summit is FREE.

The Tapping World Summit runs from May 7-May 16. Hope to see you there! I can’t wait to learn more about this powerful, scientifically proven approach to shifting energy!

Sincerely,

PS. You can participate in the World Tapping Summit for free during the May 7-May 16 time frame. However, if you decide to purchase the recordings of the Tapping World Summit so that you can refer back to teachers and seminars that you liked, I will earn a small referral fee. Please know that my recommendations are based on amazing opportunities to learn from world-class teachers and to learn tools that can make a difference in your life. In any instance where I earn a referral fee, please know that I will disclose that, so that you can factor that in … or not … into your decision.

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2012 is the second year where certified NVC trainers from all over the US combine forces to offer this unique 2-day Conference, right here in Ventura County! (FYI – For those of you who are counting, the first 3 years, it was hosted in Santa Barbara) NVC is a proven approach to dialogue that resolves conflicts and results in deeper understanding. Whether you seek easier communication with your friends or your children, or in those group meetings at church or at work, join this conference! The conference will include specific programs geared towards newcomers to NVC, as well as seasoned practitioners, and will include sessions for both English-speakers and Spanish-speakers. Through the generous sponsorship of Child Development Resources, this 2-day Conference will be FREE.

The conference meets April 28 from 9am-5pm and resumes April 29 from 10am-4pm at the Child Development Resources facility, 221 East Ventura Blvd, Oxnard, CA 93036. Pre-registration is required as seating is limited. This year, you can register for either Saturday only, Sunday only or both days. Click here to register. Personally, I recommend both days because there are so many teachers and workshops that catch my eye that I feel grateful that popular sessions are offered again on Sunday. I plan to attend the entire offering of workshops on NVC and creative expression. It blew my mind to see that offering last year!

Still not sure whether Nonviolent Communication is for you? In this short video, I share the single-most powerful life-changing “Oh my gosh! THAT’s what that means!” that I had gained from learning NVC as of last year.

Honestly, to say that it is the “single-most” is stretching it a bit because there are so many of them that narrowing it down to just one was a challenge!

Still want to know more? Check out last year’s blog post where I share with you the connection between NVC, meditation and yoga. Shop & Purchase And if you’re on the fence or already booked for this year, you can purchase NVC resources via my Amazon Bookstore by clicking on the “Shop & Purchase” button and locating the category “Nonviolent Communication”.

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All of this exploration of Essence and Genius, of what comes easily for me, my strengths and what qualities people value most about me … and yet the one area where I continue to experience struggle is the current incarnation of my business. Since last summer, I’ve been tabling all projects that pertain to Integrative InSight … postponing them for first 3 months … then another 3-4 months … then to April 2012 … then to … to create a deep healing space for myself, as I’ve shared with you throughout my sabbatical. And yet, as I create space for healing … as the busyness drops away … the pull that I used to feel towards my business has dropped away as well. Is it possible that my Overworked Overwhelmed Overachiever pattern was such an addiction for me that I had to create Integrative InSight the way that I did in order to get my fix? Writing that question with those exact words leaves me gasping and I have to pause and take a few slow, deep breaths. Is it possible that I create busyness as a way to numb myself to the confusion and pain of not knowing when I can’t see a path forward? Is it possible that I didn’t know how to value myself, so that I had to create busyness and struggle as proof of my worth … as proof of my reason for being?

It is only by discovering my Essence and Genius that I can answer “YES” to all three questions with assurance and conviction. I feel grateful to have been on this quest for the past two years, and yet, I find myself feeling both sadness and regret at the years and precious energy that I can now see were sucked into the vortex of Overworked Overwhelmed Overachiever. I haven’t allowed myself the space to fully feel those uncomfortable emotions of sadness, pain, confusion and disappointment. It isn’t until I write this post that the tears start to flow. So I’m pausing a while to allow space for my mourning …

And I return to writing with a deeply felt sense of peace, relief and spaciousness that I always experience when I permit myself to let go of the subtle tangles of resistance. And in this spaciousness I can accept and acknowledge the truth of what is enticing me these days … the Social Justice Fund for Ventura County … and my continued awakening from numbness … two already-created playgrounds where I can fully express my Essence and Genius with ease.

I know that my business is there as well, but it is out in the future, in some form yet unseen. To be completely honest since January, even these blog posts have been subtly weighted by the thought “I should post something every week”, a thought pattern that now feels sticky and moldy. What if I were to let go of this incarnation of Integrative InSight, including my “must blog weekly” mandate, so that in the interval that follows “should” and “not knowing” something new can emerge that is grounded in joy and pleasure? Disentangling myself from the contracted space of “musts” and “shoulds” is how I activate my Genius – seeing possibilities that couldn’t be seen right now, blazing a trail towards something new and then ultimately guiding others to follow. Knowing this, I can foresee that what I learn from my continued awakening from numbness and from the Social Justice Fund for Ventura County will somehow wind their way into the next incarnation of my business. What an intriguing combination!

So I ask myself, “What if I choose to let go of everything that is hard, draining or a struggle and focus on what gives me joy?” and I can smile that wry, “by God I think she’s got it!” smile that I experience from my Essence whenever it is that I shake off a tiny bit more of what is no longer mine and step more fully into my light.

Sincerely,




PS. My commitment to both you and myself going forward is to post only when I discover something worth sharing.
Enroll NowMeanwhile, know that you can enroll for my on-line course Mpowerment Meditations at any time that suits your schedule or your desire to make mindful, full-bodied changes in your life.

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This is the $100M question that I’ve been exploring ever since my husband’s leukemia diagnosis 2 years ago. If I don’t have a compelling vision for my life … if I have done things that I regret … then what? What am I meant to do with this life that I have … this gift that I’ve been given? I too believe that we each carry a spark of the Divine within us … I treat other people with respect … and thus I embarked on a quest to value the spark within me.

First, I came across a book by Gay Hendricks titled, “Five Wishes”. At age 50, Gay found himself assessing his life and not liking certain things he had done. So he imagined himself on his death bed, not years out, but tomorrow. And then he asked himself the question, “What are 5 things that I would regret not doing if I were to be on my deathbed tomorrow?” And he let those answers, which included clearing out the animosity with his ex and pursing a long hidden dream of writing a book and, guide his choices over the next few years of his life.

Hey, my husband had just been diagnosed with cancer. I realized that I had been living life in autopilot … assuming that I had all the time in the world to do … whatever … all the time in the world to change … whatever. Doesn’t really matter what the “whatever” is, because the reality is that none of us know how much time we have. So what gets in our way of living life without regrets? For me, it was simple … not knowing how to find my Purpose … of being so trapped in numbness that I could not access my passion. So I began with what I knew I did not want to regret as it gave me a way to move forward.

And then Gay Hendricks gave me another insight in his book, “The Big Leap”. Shop & Purchase Unbeknownst to me, this would be my first step into my Essence & Genius exploration. Now Gay posed the question, “What if Purpose were as simple as discovering my Genius? Those things that I do with such ease, so effortlessly, so intuitively … that time slips away … that I experience joy?” I took the qualities a step farther in order to ensure that I was truly hooked … that I don’t have to try hard because Genius is what I naturally do … that I don’t have to take on what’s not in my Genius because it allows someone else to flourish in theirs? WOW! Could it really be that simple?

So the past 2 years have been about unraveling myself, Could it really be that simple?and closely examining what is truly me and what I had unconsciously taken on and now identified as me. At first there was a lot of shedding that needed to happen … I almost had to come to stillness to really see myself clearly. I had to ask other people what they value about me. Then I began to see what lay underneath, hidden under the intricate layers of my Overworked Overwhelmed Overachiever pattern (which if you haven’t guessed yet, isn’t me or you). And what I discovered is unique, is special, is something that no one else can do quite in the way that I do because IT IS ME.

There are two keys that I’ve found about genius

• Genius isn’t limited to your work … you can use that as a starting point … but Genius is a way of doing that will show up across all aspects of your life. Because you can’t help but approach life that way … because it is YOUR Genius.
• When you share your Genius with other people, they will respond, “Of course, that is SO YOU!” That’s the funny thing about Genius … others know it and will point it out to you, but often you will have to go on a quest to discover it for yourself.

This is the true $100M question … What if my Genius IS the gift that I am meant to share during my lifetime? Could it really be that simple?



Sincerely,

PS.These are aspects of my Genius that I’ve identified thus far. The second and third were obvious to me from the start – as I look back on my life, I can see how I’ve always done those two things. The first one solidified just two months ago.

I am a Visionary – I see solutions that others don’t.
I am a Trailblazer – I forge paths where others don’t think to go.
I am a Guide – I turn back and help others to follow.

And this is the beauty of Genius … it is an ongoing journey of discovery.

PPS.This blog post, “Top Five Regrets of the Dying” was forwarded to me by a friend. It was written by Bronnie Ware who works in pallative care … helping those who are dying. What she discovered is that many of them have regrets and there are 5 in particular that are mentioned most often. I’ve edited the blog post into a list to guide you in your own inquiry. You can read Bronnie’s entire blog post on her blog, Inspiration and Chai.

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

So what does this have to do with anything? A lot. First, in order to fully let go of something, I discovered that I needed to know what I was moving towards. When faced with uncertainty, I’ve noticed that a part of me wants to grasp onto what I know, even if what I’ve done in the past no longer serves me. Knowing that there is a “ME” that exists separate from this Internal Critic that I’ve been seeking to quiet is reassuring.

Second, as much as I would like to believe that “I’m beyond categorizing”, I’ve been shocked to discover that most people experience the same qualities in me. Doesn’t matter how long they’ve known me … meeting again after many years of absence, meeting for the first time, personal friend, professional colleague, known me since I was born. I know that is incredibly hard to believe, so being an ornery “I won’t believe it until I experience it” kind of person, I set out to prove it to myself. I already know that if you are reading my blog you’re as ornery as I am, and won’t take my word for it, but will have to prove it to yourself. Stay tuned and I’ll provide you with some resources at the end of this post.

Why is the truth that most people experience the same qualities in me so important? Because I could finally give myself permission to relax and stop … stop trying so hard to be liked … stop trying so hard to be like “that successful businessperson” … stop trying so hard to withhold my assaults for fear of being perceived as weak. And in that space where I could stop trying so hard, acceptance emerged. Because all that was left was for me to relax and be me. Not the Judgmental Ego, but my Essence. What a waste of energy to try to be anyone other than ME, when being ME comes so easily! Sounds obvious, and yet that is how most of us persist in living our lives … looking to others for answers, building businesses based on what the experts say, looking around and seeing what others are doing for guidance on what to do next. I turned 45 this past summer … what a wonderful mid-life crisis to have … to discover who I really am!

On a personal level, discovering my Essence has been a powerful healing image for me. You see, 20 years ago, trapped in that Cathay Pacific economy seat, where my entire nervous system was revved up to 60 miles per hour to escape the hand of the large stranger who penned me into the corner of my window seat while he stroked my thigh … when I could neither fight nor flee … my Body took care of me the only other way available … I froze and disconnected from my Body. And in that moment of disconnection, the mental belief “I don’t have value because I didn’t fight for myself” was cemented in place. That is the true wound that has been driving my life ever since … seeking external ways to value myself because I couldn’t trust myself to know how.

Discovering my Essence and that there are people who value those qualities for the very reason because they are ME has become a homing beacon for me. I may not have known how to value myself, but I can start with what others are telling me. For almost a full year now, I’ve made my Essence the focus of my cultivation practice … that each time I fully experience one of those qualities that others have mentioned to me, I pause and reflect on how that quality has shown up in my past. This is a huge change from my prior unconscious practice of silently saying, “Yeah, yeah! What’s so special about that? If I can do it so easily, then everyone must be able to do it!” And in this new moment of reflection, I can breathe in deeply how that quality IS ME … how it has shown up without me even knowing it … without even trying … and yet there it is, as a thread that weaves throughout the tapestry of my life.

On a practical level, claiming my Essence has led to freedom, play and productivity.

Who would have thought that being willing to fully claim my Essence would lead to freedom, play, productivity, acceptance, appreciation, focus and energy? I hope this post inspires you to explore your Essence! Please share your “WOW! I didn’t realize that about myself!” discoveries of your Essence with me by entering your experience in the Comments box. And in case you are seeking resources to explore your own, I’ve provided two options below.



Sincerely,

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PS.
By the way, here is a sampling of my Essence statements. Feel free to laugh because some of them are quite funny … but they really are me, aren’t they? Go ahead … admit it … you can hear me saying them, can’t you? No one else can say these statements and have them ring true because they are ME!

1. A Lot of Layers, But It’s All One Cake
2. With The Mind At Ease, The Heart Can Speak Freely
3. I Listen, And Moreover, I Hear You
4. I Experience Nirvana Even While I Experience Total Panic
5. Courageous – It’s A Big Word, But It Fits
6. I’m Supposing That You Think This Is The Best We Can Do — Well, Think Again
7. Everyone’s Surprised When I Break Out My Dance Moves, I Don’t Know Why
8. Surviving The Unsurvivable Gives A Person A Unique Perspective On Life
9. OK, This Is What A Capable Woman Looks Like—Capable, Accomplished, Sovereign Unto Herself—Can You Handle It? If Not, Then, NO, You May Not Buy Me A Drink
10. Bollywood Star Moonlights As A Librarian

And as I review these statements that were developed for me in August 2010, I can now gratefully claim the last two … which just a year ago did not quite feel like they were me. Now I can actually feel the truth of them. That’s the side benefit of letting go of those old patterns and moving towards Essence … that qualities that you didn’t even know you had can emerge more strongly! What a validation of the depth of change that I’m experiencing due to my recent love affairs!

PPS.
Here are two resources that I found particularly powerful in understanding my essence:



Nichecraft by Dr. Lynda Falkenstein – I did the process that Dr. Falkenstein describes in her book back in 2008. When I did the interview process, I made it a point to include people who I had only met the day before. And their answers were aligned with the response from people who have known me since I was a little girl. And their answers validated those I received from my best friends. Shop & Purchase A little freaky to be seen so clearly, but it is also very freeing to know that what people value about me is that I am ME. I dare you to go out on a limb to prove it to yourself! To make it easy for you, simply click on the Shop & Purchase button, scroll down to my Amazon Store and you can locate Nichecraft under the category “Discover Your Essence & Genius”.



Sam Christensen’s Branding Process – This is an in person 4-day workshop that I took in 2010, which resulted in 3 pages of Essence statements like those I shared above. Sam’s genius is developing those statements, which range from making me want to laugh because it is SO ME, to wanting to cry because I have no clue how he saw that quality in me when I couldn’t see it for myself. I particularly like Sam’s process because you are in a room full of strangers and yet you come away with statements that perfectly describe you. He goes into depth on how to translate even seemingly negative comments that you may hear about yourself as validation of your Essence … simply filtered through the lens of someone who may not value those qualities. He also gives you a month’s worth of suggestions on how to begin breathing in those qualities, so that you don’t just toss them away, but rather fully inhabit them. While Sam is based in Hollywood, he does offer his workshop in Washington DC, New York City and Toronto.

If you don’t recognize Father Greg’s name, he is the creative force behind Homeboy Industries, a revolutionary job training service that has rehabilitated thousands of gang members in the city of Los Angeles, the gang capital of the world. I picked up this book in November, thinking that it would about social justice. “Tattoos on the Heart” is and yet it is so much more. It is a personal book of Father Greg’s spiritual beliefs, interwoven with stories of gang members who have made a difference in his life, regardless of whether they lived or were killed. I found myself moved to tears at how these kids light up when seen through the eyes and heart of someone who sees them as beautiful souls, rather than worthless, damaged goods. I found myself laughing until I cried at how Father Greg started his tattoo removal program in response to a kid who had “FUCK THE WORLD” emblazoned across his forehead and was at a genuine loss as to why no one would hire him. Stark reality, huh?

This is a rare opportunity to hear Father Greg speak in person, as hosted by the Camarillo Library. I promise that you will leave his talk having laughed and cried, having been moved to the depths of your heart and challenged to the edges of your mental constructs. Right now, he is my inspiration to look more closely at what beliefs I may have that continue to numb me to stark reality of the widening socio-economic gap that I can see around me. Ultimately, his message is about finding the common ground and remembering that we “belong to each other”.

Shop & Purchase Click on the button if you would like to purchase a copy of this remarkable book. Scroll down to my Amazon Store and you will find it filed under “Inspiration for My Spirit”.

Sincerely,

 
 

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Register“Healing with the Masters” is a teleseminar series hosted by acclaimed author, healer and speaker, Jennifer McLean. The 15-week series provides you exclusive access to 30 of the world’s leading experts in spirituality, wellness and healing. In the next few months, renowned leaders such as Wayne Dyer, John Gray (Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus), Eric Pearl (Reconnection), Geneen Roth (Women, Food and God), Don Miguel Ruiz (The Four Agreements), and Neale Donald Walsch (Conversations With God) will give you personal insights on how you can accelerate your consciousness and evolution. I last read most of these authors 2-3 years ago, and have found them all to be thoughtful and thought-provoking, as you can hear from my video blog below on Women, Food and God. I can’t wait to hear the latest and greatest that they have to share!
Meenal’s Book Review; Women, Food & God

Live calls are scheduled Tuesdays and Thursdays starting March 13 at 4pm PST. Replays are available for 48 hours. If you opt to purchase the recordings, then I will earn a small referral fee. However, know that you can take full advantage of this program without purchasing anything.

This remarkable group of speakers are here to challenge you, love you and see that you are shifting and moving into the next best version of you. This intensive will be one of the most talked about events of 2012 — Lock in your F.R.E.E access right now.

Sincerely,

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Treasure #4: Be willing to share your fears and emotions – there is more risk keeping them bottled up.

2010: Our use of Nonviolent Communication (NVC) has been a huge blessing during this journey. Just three years ago, I would have withheld my thoughts, and associated feelings of resentment, anxiety and sadness from my husband … not wanting to burden him … fearful that he would blame himself. NVC has taught us a common language with which to safely express these “hard to share” and “hard to hear” emotions with each other, in a way where I can fully own that these are my feelings, generated within me. Being able to actively unburden, what could grow into a heavy load, with safety and ease has been priceless. We feel more connected and in tune with each other because of it.

Power of Vulnerability

2012 Update: If you have not heard Brene Brown’s TED talk, click on the video to the right and listen to the startling discoveries that she has to share! I heard it at the tail end of 2011 and she put to words an instinct that I had been intuitively exploring around the link between numbness, emotions, shame and vulnerability. Little did I realize how important Nonviolent Communication has been in my quest to experience more vibrancy in my Body and in my life! Speaking the truth of what what is can be very powerful, as evidenced by the anthology that I participated in 2 years ago, “Speaking Your Truth: Courageous Stories from Inspiring Women” and my recent blog post, “The Physical Side of My Love Affair“.

On a relationship level, Kris and I continue to use both NVC and dyadic Council to keep the air clear between us. Unexpectedly, clearing out the unsaid hurts and worries has created spaciousness for our individual genius and passions to come forth … where we can easily drop into a space of collaboration and co-visioning. What’s emerging is a “power with” model of relationship where we can both stand in our strengths, fully seeing, sharing and valuing what the other brings to the table, without the old power dynamics that unknowingly would get in our way. I wish I could share more, but this is so fresh and new that even finding the few words that I’ve given thus far was challenging. So stay tuned …

Treasure #5: Personal energy is a valuable resource – use it mindfully.

2010: Watching my husband sleep for 5 days – only to awake for short 4 hour stretches in the morning and evening – during the initial stages of treatment, made me realize how precious a resource personal energy really is. I’ve been treating mine as a commodity, something to be given away without thought. So I’ve started a personal “devotional” practice of minding my choices, of minding my habits, of minding what I eat, of starting my day and ending my day with attention to my intention of staying grounded and open … to begin the process of reclaiming my energy. I use the word “devotional” intentionally … I no longer wonder how I’ve spent or wasted my energy … more and more I find myself asking, “is this how I want to invest my precious resource?”

2012 Update: – I never dreamt where this inquiry would take me! Last summer, I found myself having to say “no” to a housewarming party that my brother and his family were having. It was so clear to me that with the house overflowing with 60+ party attendees, I wouldn’t get any type of quality connection time with them. My preference was to make the drive down on a different day when we could spend quality time together. Face time vs. quality time? “Is this how I want to invest my precious resource?” I know that speaking my truth about this resulted in a lot of emotions for everyone involved, and yet if I truly believe that my personal energy is a valuable resource, then I have to behave as if it truly is. No one else can do that for me … it has to start with me.

Treasure #6: Learn how to say “No” loud and clear.

2010: Leukemia gave me the easy out – very easy to say “No. I am sorry but I can’t” when people know my husband has leukemia. But this prompted me to ask myself, “Why do I need to hide behind that as a reason?” After all, if I feel overwhelmed at the thought of adding a request onto my plate, then I owe the person an authentic, clear “No”. Extricating myself from commitments made has been particularly hard, as I wrestle with feelings of guilt, sadness, and frustration – “It isn’t fair to have to say “no” to local organizations that ignite my passion comprised of people who inspire me!” Surprise, surprise … by me being clear and honest about my feelings, about my reality, I have received complete acceptance from the requester. And an even bigger surprise, that I felt noticeably lighter and freer once I had done the deed, and said “no”.

2012 Update: This is where my “Say Yes to Me” devotional practice became a beacon that steered me out of the chaos of overwhelm into more calmer waters. 2 years ago, just days before I found the cyst and a few weeks before Kris’ diagnosis, I made a personal commitment to say yes to experiencing more ease and freedom in my business. I knew that I needed to invest in 2-3 technology-based projects that would led to more ease and freedom and rather than continue to derail myself by taking on too much, I was going to stay on track to make those happen.

The key was a realization straight out of Nonviolent Communication … that if someone tells me “No’, it isn’t because they don’t care or don’t like me or … it is because they are really saying “Yes” to something else that they value more in that moment. Translation … by knowing what I am saying “Yes” to, every “No” I choose to say is reaffirming what it is that I value. WOW! That is worth repeating for the Overworked Overwhelmed Overachiever who is seeking a new path forward … by knowing what I value, and being willing to say “Yes” to that, every “No” I choose to say a chance for me to check in with myself, reaffirm and recommit out loud to what it is that I value.

Take a close look at the drawing on the right, by the talented Janice Earhart, illustrator of “Speaking Your Truth: Courageous Stories from Inspiring Women”. That is the image that came to her from reading the message in my chapter, “Say Yes To Me”. It is such a fitting visual of my quest to transform Overworked Overwhelmed Overachiever! The original is hanging on my wall in front of me as a reminder of where I started and how far I’ve come.

Treasure #7: Listen to your internal “Yes”.

2010: Who would have thought that in getting clear on my “no”, I would start to find my internal “Yes”! In all the drive and waiting time surrounding the doctor’s appointments, I found the unexpected gift of time to be present … to develop my ability to listen to my internal “Yes”. You see, in all of the running around and in all of the tasks I would say yes to before, I never gave myself breathing time to check in with myself. In the absence of breathing space, my internal “Yes” had lost its voice — I had unknowingly lost connection with my intuition. That is what prompted me to spend last year apprenticing with David Morelli … to be able to hear my internal “Yes” more clearly.

2012 Update: I’m smiling as I reach this last update because I’ve been adding them without reading ahead. So as I completed the update to Treasure #6, I looked up and realized how it perfectly validated Treasure #7, as well! This is intuition at work … tuning into the mystery of what is showing up in the moment, being open to hearing and following those signals from within and then feeling both surprise and validation at what results. I couldn’t have planned it that way if I had tried, so why continue trying so hard?

And this is the essential notion behind Essence … that Essence is the Essential You, the qualities of you that people experience when you walk into a room AND notice are missing when you leave. If there is a part of you that is SO you, what would it be like to move through life leading with this aspect of yourself? Leading with what comes so easily and naturally that you may not even realize that it is what others consider to be your strengths? Ease? Yes. Peace? Yes. Joy? Yes.

More to follow on this …

Sincerely,

 

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Treasure #1: Listen hard to those signs that your body is telling you … and take action.

2010: Kris’ leukemia was discovered due to increasingly severe acid reflux over the past 10 months, most likely caused by his enlarged spleen pushing against his stomach. If not for his persistence in seeking a solution for the recurring acid reflux, the leukemia would have remained undetected.

2012 update: Would you believe that the acid reflux, not the leukemia, has been the biggest impingement on our quality of life? Our daily walks ceased when we realized that walking would kick up the acid regardless of when he had last eaten.

And then 4 months ago, we shared a startling insight. In the middle of an acid attack, Kris’ eyes became blood shot and the top of his head began to itch. From my vantage point, his physical symptoms were similar to a caricature of someone blowing their top. All this time, he would try to push the acid back down … what if this was long-ago anger stuffed deep inside seeking a way to come out? Turns out that is what it was, and with the support of bodywork and energy tools, he has been clearing out that old stuck energy. I’m happy to report that we are back to taking those walks together!

Treasure #2: Be willing to take a different approach to get answers that make sense.

2010: The chronic myeloid leukemia was found by our non-force chiropractor, Dr. Todd Binkley, on a routine blood test that he runs for nutritional assessments. We decided to pursue this route when conventional approaches to acid reflux did not yield results. We are so blessed that Todd is part of the team of professionals supporting us! Within hours of getting lab test confirmation, Todd had researched the side effects and put Kris on a program of vitamin supplements to strengthen those organs that will be hit the hardest … not just by the leukemia, but by the medication.

2012 update: What more needs to be said about this other than our most recent discovery about Kris’ acid reflux and its relationship to anger that he has stored inside for decades? If your symptoms persist despite what you’ve done in the past, it is time to seek another solution. Remember … your Body-Mind-Spirit Connection works in mysterious ways, and is constantly trying to communicate with you in the only language that it knows.

Treasure #3: Support is available to you from unexpected sources … you just need to seek/ask for it.

2010: Neither of us are good at asking for support, but we knew that we would need it. So we elected to create a free private blog using CarePages. By being willing to share the specifics of our journey – the emotions, the challenges, the insights, the blessings – we received a flood of support, from near and far, from colleagues, and from long lost friends.

By using this forum, we created a healing space for ourselves, absent of the usual flood of phone calls and emails that would require repeating the same news over and over again. Members of the blogpage are notified when we post an update, and can login whenever they want. We get to see everyone’s postings when we login ourselves.

Most importantly, those who are physically separated from us have visible proof of the amount of support we have in our lives.

2012 Update: Asking for support continues to be a practice for me. After all, how can I be strong and independent AND at the same time, admit that I don’t have it all together so I need help? And yet, as I made the detour last summer into wild, uncharted territory of Messy and Authentic, I’ve received more encouragement and thanks from all of you (aka. support) than ever before.

There is something sneakily deceptive in how perceptions can be limiting! I could have easily withheld all that I have shared with you for fear of what you would think of me … of how my “professional businesswoman” image would be tarnished. And it was in my vulnerability that you responded. Ultimately, we as human beings are stronger when we help each other … face it, we want to help each other! Yeah, we could probably do it faster on our own, but together we go farther. It is my own willingness to receive appreciation, support and encouragement that fuels me to soar higher, than if I were trying to get there on my own. I intentionally use the word “willingness” because 4 years ago, I found myself inadvertently brushing off a heartfelt thank you from one of my students – it was as if I had an wall around me where I could hear her words, but they would bounce off of me and not land. So yes, asking is still a practice, but I am so much better now at receiving!

Meanwhile, Carepages continues to be our preferred means to share our reaction to the most recent test results. 2 years out, I still experience how supportive it has been both for us and for those who subscribed to his private blogpage. The question “Is he in remission?” and “Is he still in remission?” will be life-long questions to which we’ll receive an answer every 4 months or so when the doctor tests whether the mutated gene can be seen in his blood or not. And yet, neither of us want those to be the only questions that people ask us, because while the leukemia is part of our lives, leukemia is not our life. Carepages allows us to experience the fullness and richness of our lives, because we can share the most recent news via that blog, freeing up our community of family and friends for everything else that is much richer, vibrant, exciting and juicier for us.

Sadly, since 2010, I’ve lost count of the number of friends and family with whom I’ve shared CarePages in times of their desperate need. I sincerely hope that you share the concept of CarePages, an underutilized, highly effective free resource, with people you know. Please let them know about this resource now, before the urgent need arises. You may think, “Why say something now?” And the reality is that when a cancer crisis emerges, that seed that you planted now will emerge as a lifeline … “I remember that you told me about a resource that could help. What was it? How do I get more information about it?”

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Sincerely,

 

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